[His heart pounds against his chest again. Not from excitement but something else — he ignores it of course, being far too used to his mind trying to psyche him out or hold him back. He spent years ignoring his gut and listening only to what others told him, so it's not a difficult feat to push these thoughts away.
Luckily Rafe gives Fenris something else to think about when he rolls their hips together. He sucks in a breath, this time feeling a more familiar heat as opposed to the one that makes his scales warm to the touch. His fangs bare and he yet again greedily decides he hasn't had enough. Rafe is hunching over him and the room is barely lit, he can't see enough. His eyes are alight with both glow and hunger (not that kind of hunger, thankfully) as he attempts to sit up — not to push Rafe off of him, but just to get closer. To see more. To take in his body, uncaring about whatever it has become. He's not sure when he stopped caring about the gruesome appearance of an undead. Sloughing skin, gaunt features, eerily stillness from a lack of a need to breathe...all of those things should bother him. But somewhere along the line Fenris stopped caring.
Or maybe because he started, and therein lies the crux of his undead blindness? The reason he can look at Rafe now like he wasn't turning into a monster. The reason Fenris feels more like he is the one who would be self conscious about his descent into beasthood. Because he has spent his entire life around people who didn't see him as a person but an animal, and now that was coming true, and it fills him with an odd sense of shame. A shame Rafe hasn't once made him feel. Maybe that's why he can reach desperately for his partner without a second thought as he tries to rise and get closer.]
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winterfish
cw: body dysmorphia, skin horror, implications of past sexual/physical abuse, past slavery, ptsd
Date: 2020-12-03 04:34 am (UTC)Luckily Rafe gives Fenris something else to think about when he rolls their hips together. He sucks in a breath, this time feeling a more familiar heat as opposed to the one that makes his scales warm to the touch. His fangs bare and he yet again greedily decides he hasn't had enough. Rafe is hunching over him and the room is barely lit, he can't see enough. His eyes are alight with both glow and hunger (not that kind of hunger, thankfully) as he attempts to sit up — not to push Rafe off of him, but just to get closer. To see more. To take in his body, uncaring about whatever it has become. He's not sure when he stopped caring about the gruesome appearance of an undead. Sloughing skin, gaunt features, eerily stillness from a lack of a need to breathe...all of those things should bother him. But somewhere along the line Fenris stopped caring.
Or maybe because he started, and therein lies the crux of his undead blindness? The reason he can look at Rafe now like he wasn't turning into a monster. The reason Fenris feels more like he is the one who would be self conscious about his descent into beasthood. Because he has spent his entire life around people who didn't see him as a person but an animal, and now that was coming true, and it fills him with an odd sense of shame. A shame Rafe hasn't once made him feel. Maybe that's why he can reach desperately for his partner without a second thought as he tries to rise and get closer.]