magicalglowstick | Ryslig Inbox

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From:

magicalglowstick

[Of course he doesn't have an answer for that, solely reacting on his first instinct which is to act. That being said, while his hackles are definitely raised and where he looked about ready to charge past Rafe any moment, his posture deflates in defeat.

The more he thinks on it the more he's ashamed that he was going to blatantly disregard Rafe's objection to his plan.]

I...fine then.

From:

chardismastic

Thank you.

[ And a modicum of tension uncoils from round his shoulders, as he tucks the laptop under an arm and leans a hip against the bannister of the stair. ]

Was honestly concerned you wouldn't see sense and then. [ A shrug. ] Pretty obvious by now that if you wanted to bull through, it's not like I could hold you back.

[ Other than death and darkness, Rafe still looks more or less himself even as his skin peels away in sections. Meanwhile Fenris has gone from twink to a fucking linebacker, muscles packed onto a frame that now demands he look up a few inches to have any kind of conversation. ]

From:

magicalglowstick

I wouldn't have.

[He admits quietly, moving over to the corner covered with various sheets and pillows (and his stuffed mabari). His claws paw and grab at whatever's in his way until he makes a hole of comfort right in the middle to settle himself down in. At this point he doesn't even realize he does it.]

I...will try not to be so rash in the future.

From:

chardismastic

Would appreciate that. You may be the obvious brawn now but it'd be a real hassle to gain that at the cost of the brain you brought into this.

[ It's kind of a compliment. Maybe. He observes the nesting with a skeptical eyebrow before exhaling sharply through his nose— Or meant to, anyway. He'd forgotten to inhale so there's nothing doing with it.

It's happening more and more often these days.

He chooses not to think about that. ]

We really have to get you a bed.

From:

magicalglowstick

[It's weird. Part of him wants to take it as a compliment — that he even has a mind of his own, let alone one that Rafe values. But the other part of him feels a creeping shame about it. About the fact that he dares feel pride for thinking without his master.

His little nest of pillows and cloth is set just so, even if it doesn't look it, so after his initial working with his claws he's able to settle with ease, his back against the wall in which he has more padding set up.]

I see no reason to. It is quite comfortable.

[And given that he's far used to sleeping in worse conditions (save for the ten years he spent in a nice bed, even if said bed was in a mansion full of dead bodies and demons at some point), he doesn't find anything odd about his choice of comfort.

Or maybe it's more accurate to say he's ignoring it.]

From:

chardismastic

[ A perfectly fine house of denial. Everything's good here, everybody's totally fine with what they're turning into. ]

Suppose it follows then that you also don't see how the whole rest of this house is starting to get like a hoarder's wet dream.

[ He gets it, it's probably some other part of their particular monster thing (or at least he really fucking hopes it is rather than just a baseline trait) but it's getting to be an awful clutter and Rafe's really starting to get peeved. It's a better, more actionable peeve to focus on than everything else going on outside their door and within themselves. ]

A bed, and some storage.

From:

magicalglowstick

[Fenris takes a look around his space at Rafe's accusation, ready to be offended. Except he isn't wrong. Even beside his "bed" there are piles of stuff that he hasn't sorted, and the piles he has sorted still clutter the area. Empty bottles of varying colors, metallic buttons and candleholders, pieces of metal that likely belonged to broken technology that he doesn't understand.

He barely fights back a wince. When did this habit get so out of control? When did he even acquire this habit?]

I...[Oh he sees it. He sees it and he's a bit peeved at Rafe for pointing it out so that he couldn't continue to ignore it.

He sighs.] Right...

From:

chardismastic

Yeah.

[ Said to the tune of no shit, but if there's anyone on this peninsula he can temper his sarcasm for and who deserves the effort, it's the elf who's saved his ass more than once.

An elf who also tried to drunkenly make out with him a couple weeks ago— But that's besides the point. Rafe caught him before he could and nothing's been said about the matter since. He'd almost asked the next day whether or not Fenris even remembered that night but...he's refrained. Either he had which was its own luck and thus would've only invited questions, or he hadn't and was acting like had in which case asking would be pointing straight at the eight-hundred-pound lizard in the room. ]

Can go shopping or something after all this dies down. Not like we're paying rent here.

From:

magicalglowstick

[Fenris definitely remembers. It's part of why he doesn't give too much of a fuss about his sleeping arrangement, or why he doesn't fight to continue ignoring his hoarding. The last thing he wants to do is become a burden. It didn't work so well for him last time and he's not going to go down that road with Rafe. He's lucky he's even talking to him after what he tried to do at the party. He doesn't want to be a mistake.]

To be honest, I'm not sure I would find a regular bed much comfort anymore.

[The idea of a pile of soft things seems way more appealing.]

But you are right about the storage. I hadn't realized how out of hand it has become. I'm sorry.

From:

chardismastic

I'm sure there's got to be beds made to satisfy.... slightly transformed tastes.

[ Can't hurt to go looking as opposed to this nest with zero lumbar support which will eventually fuck with his back. ]

Look, you don't have to apologize for it. No harm, no foul. [ Totally talking about the imitation magpie act. Yep. ] Just— Something to fix for the future.

From:

magicalglowstick

I suspect there are a lot of things that need fixing for the future.

[He's not sure what changes, psychologically speaking, that Rafe may be dealing with at the moment, but whatever they may be he's handling them well. To Fenris, Rafe still remains the same as he had been when they met on Brasa. Obviously not physically, but that matters very little, if at all. But himself?

Not much to say on that aside from he knows he's not handling it as well as he should be.]

I'll try my best.

[Definitely not talking about any one specific thing. Nope.]

From:

chardismastic

[ Damn it, it'd have been such a cakewalk to not talk about this. Really, it would've been. But Fenris makes it clear in his tone and his everything else that they're talking around what they're talking around, and that he's set to beat himself up about it same as all the other bullshit that's happened to him that he's told Rafe about. And Rafe's told him where the blame laid with that other, so he can do the same here.

Maybe it'll be easier for Fenris to acknowledge Pink Fuck's effects than Hawke's. Lord knows it can't be harder. Right? ]

Christ on a cracker. [ Pinching the bridge of his nose, he inhales purposefully. ] No, there's not a lot. Hoarding whatever stuff you want is fine, all it needs are some boxes or bins or whatever.

[ His hand drops, by habit going to his hip — where there might've been a holster and a pistol before, now there's a pair of gauntlets clipped to his belt for easy access if he should leave the house. ]

The only time you've shown any lapse in judgment was when you were well out your mind on horse tranquilizers which— newsflash? —is the norm when on horse tranquilizers. I get you're freaked by what could've happened but the fact remains that it didn't so. You're fine. Relax.

From:

magicalglowstick

[Fenris glances over at Rafe, surprised and mildly alarmed, clearly happy to continue to dance around the subject until he got his apology and promise to do better out in the open.]

I am not freaked out. If anyone should be it's you. The way I behaved towards you was unacceptable and foolish. I was well enough aware of my own actions that I should have ceased immediately.

From:

chardismastic

Trust me, I'm freaked enough checking the mirror every morning.

[ The bitterness slips out in a mutter before Rafe can stop himself, self-loathing in every syllable before he shakes his head. Not the time or place— The both of them are full aware of what he is now, they don't need to revisit the disgusting fact of it. He sets his jaw and then continues. ]

Foolish? Yeah, but you "ceased" before you actually tongued a corpse so just focus on the relief there rather than... The rest. That's the important part.

From:

magicalglowstick

[It takes Fenris a moment before he realizes while they are talking about the same thing, they're still not completely on the same page. Fenris is trying to focus on the fact that in a drunken and drugged up stupor he tried to stick his disgusting tongue down Rafe's throat twice, but Rafe seems to be focused on...some relief that Fenris should be feeling for not having done it?

The blue scales of his brow line knit together in confusion.]

It's not about me, Rafe. It's about how uncomfortable I surely made you feel. I let my own desires crowd my judgement — that horrendous pink drink had little to do with it.

I'm trying to assure you that you won't have to worry about it again. I will control myself around you.

[Glossing over the way Rafe casually and bitterly refers to himself as a corpse because that has nothing to do with anything. It's not something Fenris even considers, which should probably be odd, but it's not. It's just how it is. Rafe is Rafe. He's not a corpse.]

From:

chardismastic

Fen. The hell are you talking about. [ Waving a hand as if to clear the confusion from the air, his voice is flat with incomprehension, fully unable to wrap his head around what he's hearing. First and foremost, though— ] I don't get uncomfortable with making out.

[ Physicality is nothing new, hasn't been since the locker rooms of boarding schools who took in more in tuition than some national GNPs, had grown into something Rafe always took for granted. If he'd an interest, he'd express it to the fullest extent it was reciprocated and it most often was— But that was before, in a body he'd worked hard to build and sculpt and maintain to its best condition. Not in this warped mockery of what he used to be, skin literally falling off after rotting away. Of course Rafe is sure that there would've still been some determined souls willing to put up with that back home, desire for his money and his name outweighing the revulsion, but there's no such carrot here that could make up for the stick they'd get.

And yet here's Fenris talking out of his ass as if the pink-shaded beer goggles (ketamine goggles? whatever) weren't even a factor. Which...again. The hell is he talking about. ]

There's nothing to control.

From:

magicalglowstick

Of course there is.

[Rafe makes a frustrated noise, which almost sounds like it has a hiss to it, but that's something he entirely chooses to ignore.]

You're — fasta vass — [He can't believe he's going to have to say all of this, because obviously he hasn't been making himself clear enough for this entire conversation.] Those things I said to you when I was acting like a drunken fool...that all came from me. I meant every word. There is a reason I followed you back on Brasa, and why I continue to stick by you. I admire your intelligence, your brevity, your—

[He's doing it again. Or, he's liable to start doing it again if he goes on another tirade on why Rafe is deserving of a partner far better than the one he ended up with.]

Qualities that I find quite attractive. And when I acted on this attraction not once but twice I made a fool of myself. I'm turning into a scalely monstrosity, and I've been surely acting the part as well...for all I know in a month's time I will be nothing more than a mindless beast.

And you've not only remained yourself, but patient with my...with me.

From:

chardismastic

[ It isn't the first time Rafe's heard that hiss, though it is the first it's been directed at him. Or because of him. As such he barely blinks at the sound, not when there's all the rest that follows out of Fenris's mouth. That is blink-worthy if not for the apparent intent then sure as hell for the sheer volume which...seems to only be a fraction of it, from the way Fenris seems to stop himself.

Silence stretches on once the elf stops talking because Rafe can't stop staring. Isn't as if he can do anything else considering his brain is too busy flashing blue screens trying to process Fenris's words, all incompatible with what he knows. Eventually, a response finally puts itself together and makes it way out of Rafe's throat. ]

Bullshit.

[ A disbelieving huff of a laugh, a grimacing smile waiting for the punchline to what must obviously be a joke. ]

I mean, you didn't even want to fuck around before I looked like— How could you possibly want to now?

From:

magicalglowstick

[For the first time Fenris actually holds that stare from his spot on the makeshift bedding. Part of him, no, all of him...is terrified by the response he's sure to get. Disgust, or something along those lines, but he holds Rafe's gaze because he's putting it all out there and either things will blow up in his face so spectacularly and it all comes crumbling down here or...maybe he can salvage it so Rafe doesn't kick him out and end their partnership.

The response he gets is not the one he's expecting and it shows by the way his response delays as his brain tries to find the right words to jump on this knew train of thought.]

I...[What is he talking about—] What...makes you think that I didn't want to before?

From:

chardismastic

I told you I was open to screw when you first showed up with the idea to work together and you said that wasn't what you meant, [ Rafe reminds him before tacking on: ] after your ears went redder than chili peppers. Was a pretty clear no to me.

[ And that was the end of that, far as he was concerned. Rafe had naturally prioritized finding his feet in this new place over getting his dick wet, thinking it would only be a short matter of time before he found a way out of here. A fool thought then and if he'd known then what he knows now—

Pointless to think about what-ifs. Doesn't help anything. ]

From:

magicalglowstick

And it wasn't.

[He supposes he can see where Rafe's line of thinking is, though Fenris doesn't necessarily see that as having expressed disinterest. Not that it should have mattered. It would have been highly inappropriate anyway.]

It was only my second day knowing you, Rafe. I don't...[Ugh. He doesn't like having to explain this.] It was different then than it is now, is all.

From:

chardismastic

Yeah, I still had a pulse and didn't look like roadkill after a three-day-weekend.

[ If anything, Fenris should be glad that he hadn't started anything he would've wanted to knock off once he'd seen what Rafe would turn into. ]

From:

magicalglowstick

The difference was that I didn't know if I could trust you...with that.

I do now.

From:

chardismastic

Trust me with what?

[ Processing.

Processing.

Processing... ]

...Sex?

[ Don't mind him, this is just the inevitable confusion that comes of not giving two shits about who he sleeps with. ]

Edited (so i didn't want to double my prepositions sue me) Date: 2020-10-11 07:03 am (UTC)

From:

magicalglowstick

[Fenris averts his gaze again, leaning back into the nest of pillows he made for his back and draping one arm over a bent knee.]

It's not just that. [He shouldn't have said that to begin with.] I'm a slave. It is inappropriate for me to make such a pass at you, or anyone. It would have been different had it actually come from you and not a misunderstanding.