[ Fenris takes note of the way Anders places his hand over his heart. He seems so certain Hawke hates him, so much so that he made it his duty to continuously tell Fenris that everything he's doing is wrong and dangerous, just to win back the man's favor. What does he remember exactly? ]
It...could be that my memories are the ones that are faulty. [ He hesitates to admit that out loud, but it seems like the most logical conclusion right now. ] But...
[ It all feels so real. The pain, the anger, the numbness even. ]
I remember plenty, though it's difficult to know what is worth pointing out. He's a mage, he fled from Lothering during the blight, worked his way up to an estate in Hightown, he always showed support for the mages...carefully. As careful as Hawke is able to be.
[ It was strange. Hawke is the least subtle man in all of Thedas, yet there were some things about him that seemed so...deliberate, careful, planned. He could never quite put his finger on it. ]
( he leans his head in, nodding, waiting for fenris to finish the sentence for him, but since that doesn't come, he says it plainly. )
Together.
( it's a strange detail to leave out, unless fenris thought he was being courteous in sparing anders the spike of sadness and jealousy that follows that word. anders did it to himself this time, so there's no one else to blame. )
Romantically. In some sense. Though the two of you danced around it like schoolyard boys for the longest time...
[ That earns a very loud, perhaps defensive, snort from the elf. ]
We most certainly were not. [ Though maybe the dancing around like schoolyard boys wasn't entirely inaccurate. That all came to an end eventually, though.] Nothing ever happened between us...in fact, it all ground to a halt once he started to grow fond of you.
[ Very much to Fenris' chagrin, but he ultimately stepped to the side. ]
( anders can't help but think this is the most productive conversation the two of them have ever had. it's unlikely that this is due to a lack of hawke — very, seriously unlikely. it's simply a coincidence that it's taken being transported to another dimension in order to get two words out to one another. even then, they haven't touched on anything controversial. no discussion of mage rights, or the state of the imperium, or the way that fenris is not, in fact a, a slave.
such topics will send the spiraling back to square one, surely. )
No, that's not...
Hawke and I never— we were never anything, truthfully. Never did anything, either.
( though his dreams love weave a narrative where things go differently. )
[ This is definitely the most productive conversation they've ever had, and if the thought didn't threaten to further spiral his mind into madness, he would consider that this isn't real either. But he doesn't wish to go there yet.
His brows knit together in confusion. Yet another discrepancy that has to do with Hawke specifically. ]
So...it truly is our memories of Hawke. Because I very clearly remember the way he would look at you.
( don't fill his head with nonsense, elf. Hawke harbored no feelings towards him, no interest in his affections, no care for his love and devotion. all he wanted was the broken man from tevinter.
it's anders who remembers how Hawke softened when gazing at fenris, how gently He smiled, how every stress melted away in fenris' company. there was no need for anders. did He only want anders for his connection to the rebellion? did He hate anders all this time—
anders curls in on himself before he explodes: )
NO!
( and they were doing so well.
the arrival of justice is fleeting, because there is no injustice here. he leaves as quickly as he came. )
No— No, you... misremember. As I do.
( he won't allow himself to believe in a world such as the one fenris describes, get caught up in yet another fantasy to plague his nights. )
This is... weighty. Perhaps it's best if you leave.
Fenris shoots up again, just to put some distance between the two of them when that thing comes out. Fortunately, it goes away just as quick, but Fenris remains defensive.
This is weighty, and Fenris is more than okay ending the conversation here. He has to go...think about things. About everything. About how his life may not even be real, and the pain that weighed him down might have come from lies. ]
For once, I agree.
[ He reaches for his sword, carefully, before slinging it over his shoulder by the strap and wasting no time heading for the door. Once open, though, he hesitates.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
It...could be that my memories are the ones that are faulty. [ He hesitates to admit that out loud, but it seems like the most logical conclusion right now. ] But...
[ It all feels so real. The pain, the anger, the numbness even. ]
I remember plenty, though it's difficult to know what is worth pointing out. He's a mage, he fled from Lothering during the blight, worked his way up to an estate in Hightown, he always showed support for the mages...carefully. As careful as Hawke is able to be.
[ It was strange. Hawke is the least subtle man in all of Thedas, yet there were some things about him that seemed so...deliberate, careful, planned. He could never quite put his finger on it. ]
no subject
( he leans his head in, nodding, waiting for fenris to finish the sentence for him, but since that doesn't come, he says it plainly. )
Together.
( it's a strange detail to leave out, unless fenris thought he was being courteous in sparing anders the spike of sadness and jealousy that follows that word. anders did it to himself this time, so there's no one else to blame. )
Romantically. In some sense. Though the two of you danced around it like schoolyard boys for the longest time...
no subject
We most certainly were not. [ Though maybe the dancing around like schoolyard boys wasn't entirely inaccurate. That all came to an end eventually, though.] Nothing ever happened between us...in fact, it all ground to a halt once he started to grow fond of you.
[ Very much to Fenris' chagrin, but he ultimately stepped to the side. ]
no subject
such topics will send the spiraling back to square one, surely. )
No, that's not...
Hawke and I never— we were never anything, truthfully. Never did anything, either.
( though his dreams love weave a narrative where things go differently. )
He was far less enamored with me than I with him.
no subject
His brows knit together in confusion. Yet another discrepancy that has to do with Hawke specifically. ]
So...it truly is our memories of Hawke. Because I very clearly remember the way he would look at you.
[ Sickening. ]
no subject
it's anders who remembers how Hawke softened when gazing at fenris, how gently He smiled, how every stress melted away in fenris' company. there was no need for anders. did He only want anders for his connection to the rebellion? did He hate anders all this time—
anders curls in on himself before he explodes: )
NO!
( and they were doing so well.
the arrival of justice is fleeting, because there is no injustice here. he leaves as quickly as he came. )
No— No, you... misremember. As I do.
( he won't allow himself to believe in a world such as the one fenris describes, get caught up in yet another fantasy to plague his nights. )
This is... weighty. Perhaps it's best if you leave.
no subject
Fenris shoots up again, just to put some distance between the two of them when that thing comes out. Fortunately, it goes away just as quick, but Fenris remains defensive.
This is weighty, and Fenris is more than okay ending the conversation here. He has to go...think about things. About everything. About how his life may not even be real, and the pain that weighed him down might have come from lies. ]
For once, I agree.
[ He reaches for his sword, carefully, before slinging it over his shoulder by the strap and wasting no time heading for the door. Once open, though, he hesitates.
But it only lasts a second before he leaves. ]